My Employees Are Dating: How Do I Handle It?
You just found out two of your employees are in a romantic relationship. Maybe they told you directly. Maybe you noticed it. Either way, you’re now dealing with a situation that most HR policies either ignore entirely or handle with a blanket prohibition that creates more problems than it solves.
Here is a practical framework for handling workplace relationships in a small business.
Why Workplace Relationships Are an HR Issue
Romantic relationships between coworkers are not inherently a problem. But they create risk in specific situations, and those situations are common enough that you need a policy before one develops, not after.
The primary risks:
• A direct reporting relationship where one employee supervises the other creates conflicts of interest around performance evaluations, promotions, and discipline, and creates sexual harassment exposure if the relationship ends badly
• Favoritism (real or perceived) that affects team morale and creates discrimination claims from employees who believe they were treated differently
• A relationship that ends and becomes the basis for a harassment complaint
• Confidentiality concerns if the employees have access to sensitive information about each other’s employment
Blanket Prohibitions Rarely Work
Some employers take the approach of prohibiting all romantic relationships between employees. In most states this is legally permissible. In practice it is almost impossible to enforce, drives relationships underground rather than eliminating them, and can result in losing good employees who choose their relationship over their job when forced to choose.
A more workable approach: prohibit relationships in direct reporting lines, require disclosure when relationships develop between employees who work closely together, and have a process for managing any conflicts of interest that arise.
The Reporting Relationship Problem
This is the scenario that carries the most legal risk. A manager and a direct report in a romantic relationship creates structural problems that cannot be wished away:
• The manager cannot objectively evaluate the subordinate’s performance
• Other employees may perceive (with or without basis) that the subordinate receives favorable treatment
• If the relationship ends, the subordinate may have a credible claim that the subsequent negative performance treatment was retaliation
• If the relationship was not entirely voluntary from the subordinate’s perspective, the employer faces significant sexual harassment exposure
The appropriate response to a direct-reporting relationship: require disclosure, remove the reporting relationship by reassigning one of the employees, and document the action. Do not allow the manager to continue supervising the employee they are dating. For more on how conflicts of interest intersect with discipline, see HR Policies Every Small Business Needs.
Disclosure and Acknowledgment
Your policy should require employees to disclose romantic relationships to HR when those relationships involve a direct or indirect reporting relationship, or when they create a potential conflict of interest. The purpose of disclosure is not to punish employees for their personal lives, it is to give the company the ability to manage any actual conflicts before they become problems.
Some employers use a “love contract” or relationship acknowledgment form, which is a document both parties sign confirming the relationship is consensual and that they understand the company’s policies. These documents have limited legal protection but do create a record of consent and mutual understanding at the time the relationship began.
When a Relationship Ends
Workplace relationships that end are often more complicated than the relationships themselves. Both parties continue to work together. There may be residual tension, grievances, or conflict that spills into the work environment. In the worst cases, conduct that was welcome during the relationship, like messages, physical contact, personal conversations, becomes unwelcome when the relationship ends and becomes the basis for a harassment complaint.
There is no policy that prevents this from happening. What you can do is ensure that your harassment reporting process is functional and that employees know how to use it, so that if conduct after a breakup crosses a line, the affected employee has a clear path to report it. For a step-by-step walkthrough of that process, see Employee Filed a Harassment Complaint: What Do I Do?
The Policy Bottom Line
Your employee handbook should include a clear workplace relationships policy that addresses: disclosure requirements, prohibited direct-reporting relationships, how the company will manage conflicts of interest, and the consequences of failing to disclose. The policy should be written neutrally, not assuming heterosexual relationships, and applied consistently.
A policy that people know about before a relationship develops is far more useful than one you try to apply after the fact.
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